It’s the phone call you never want to receive. It’s the news you don’t want to hear. It’s the story you can’t bear to read.
“There’s been an accident.” The solemn police officer explains to you.
And your stomach knots up as your mind tries desperately to process what your body is trying to absorb: the shock of knowing that your loved one is in critical condition or that he or she is dead.
You deny it at first: No! Oh God! No! And then the anger festers: Why God? Why?
Why the ones with so much promise? Why the young? Why the innocent children? Why the ones who were just about to marry in a month? Or the mother who had just given birth to a child.
Death, the insidious enemy of humanity. The fear of every parent. For those who have experienced it– especially a mother or father—you wonder how you will go on.
Do You See Me?
I’m standing here in line. The grocery cart’s full. But I am empty inside because she’s gone.
Do you know my pain? Hey you! On your cell phone, texting away. I just lost a loved one.
Look at them, laughing and carrying on while my baby is no more. They don’t know. They don’t understand.
Anguish, this dull, open wound hurts.
And when I awake, I realize that I won’t hear her bare feet pattering about or listen to her talking about her favorite flowers.
I won’t smell her sour morning breath, warm on my face as she embraces me and says, “Mom, I’m hungry. Wake up.”
And you go into her bedroom.
You grab her dirty shirt and hold it up to you face and breathe in deeply hoping to capture her scent…her sweat. And the hot tears absorb the fabric. And you lie down in her tiny bed, to doze off for twenty. But you dread waking up, having to go on without her.
You pick up the toys. Your fingers trailing down the sharp plates of the toy dinosaur, the sweet smell of plastic overwhelming you because she was just playing with it yesterday.
When you finally doe laugh about a memory, about a reaction or experience, you feel slightly guilty after.
The rawest dark moments will one day crash into a healed hope. Until then friend, I promise to lift you up in my prayers.
He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away. He who is seated on the throne said, “I make everything new!” Then he said, “Write this down, for these words are trustworthy and true.” Revelation 21:4-5